12

One year ago (tomorrow) our file was "logged in" with the CCAA (Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs). I wish this was a post where we were celebrating being close, or at least on some sort of time frame to our referral for our daughter, but we are not. Unfortunately the world of China Adoption is not the same as it was when we started this process. With the lengthening wait times, it is just too hard for us to feel celebratory today.
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My fellow bloggers who are waiting however many months, I know you understand how I am feeling. To those bloggers who are home with their children, and survived the wait, I know you know how I am feeling. It is all of you who continue to give me the hope I need to keep pushing along and keeping my faith. It is your support that gets me through this month after month. To my family and friends who don't fully understand all my LID, referral, rumor queen talk, I will try to help you better understand. In May of 2006 when we officially began our journey and announced to all of you that we would be adopting a little girl from China, the wait from LID (log in date) to referral was 9-12 months. Unfortunately, with each month we have waited, another month has been added on. As of today our agency is predicting a 22-24 month wait with the chance that it will go higher. They also say, the wait could shorten. I have yet to let my heart believe this.
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One year ago, we had so much hope that by this time we would be very close to bringing our girl home. We are not. We are sad. I have doubts that scare me. I don't like the way I feel when I let myself go to that place that tells me, maybe this is not going to happen. It should happen and we are going to wait as long as it takes.... but what if it doesn't? I can't imagine that pain or then again, I can.

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I do believe this is going to have a happy ending, I really do. It's just hard right now to feel it or to know how long it will take for us to get there. I read recently that if the joy at the end of this journey wasn't so great, who would do this? This is so true. When the day finally comes, and I am on the plane with Miranda Rae sitting next to me on a flight back to the United States (because only then will this feel real), I will know that joy. Until then, we will continue to live our lives, raise our son, and do what it is we do. We will not let the wait completely consume our every thought, but today on this day where we have now waited 12 months, I would like to feel what I am feeling and that is sad.

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To everyone waiting along with me and who gives me constant support and love (you all know who you are) I thank you so much. To my family and friends who follow the blog to see what we are up to now and again, thanks for following and one day I'll be able to post that we do know who our daughter is.

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Tomorrow is also one year that we lost our precious CHLOE. A day that was so filled with hope and joy ended with such a tragedy. Our little girl will live on in our hearts forever. We miss you girl! (to see Chloe's memorial slideshow - click on her name)

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Joseph likes to mark each month's LID and looks at each month as a reason to celebrate (gotta lova his optimisim). Hopefully, I'll feel that way again soon. To honor our one year, his suggestion was to buy 3 balloons - one red and one yellow for China's flag colors and one pink for Chloe and our girl in China. Joseph has also always liked to let balloons go into the air because he believes they go up to heaven to where his Grandpa is. So we will let our balloons go to China and to Heaven.....

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~~~ MIMI - we are one step closer - I know that. We will wait as long as it takes to get you home. We are here, we are waiting, we love you..... Mom, Dad and Joseph x0x0x0

WEEKEND

We finally had some rain this weekend, not all day rain, but enough to change our boating plans to a weekend close to home. Joseph started his first job this past Friday. Our neighbor hired J to do some planting for her. After school we headed to H*me Dep*t and he bought all the materials for the job. He took this all very seriously and even figured out how much to mark up each plant. After the job was done, he went home and wrote up a bill - His company name is JSK Landscaping. We are proud of his hard work. He recently opened up his first bank account so hopefully he is on the way to saving money, instead of spending it the minute it hits his hands.

Saturday we went to our pumpkin parking lot, as I like to call it, for our annual pumpkin picking. It is very different buying pumpkins in SW Fl compared to New York. I must admit, it doesn't quite have the same feel but nonetheless we had fun.

Found one...

Can't forget the mini pumpkins

We then went out for our favorite food - hibachi at a Japanese steakhouse. It was yummy but none of the pictures came out so you'll have to visualize flames and food flying around. Sunday was another lay low day and we finally built a mosaic butterfly that Santa had bought for J last Christmas. We built this to put out where CHLOE is buried. It came out beautiful.

Working hard

Finished

Looking crazy just before he was going to break the mosaic glass

The mail this weekend also bought 2 more W*bk*ns - they are so cute. Thanks Grandma!

During this "exciting" weekend J also got a new hip haircut that he just loves. I think he may be overdoing the gel but we'll work on that. Hope everyone had a fun filled weekend. You can click the pics to enlarge (that note is for my sister and mother :)

Thank You Wendi and random pictures

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined

to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance -Ancient Chinese Belief

I want to say thank you so much to my friend Wendi who sent me the most beautiful red thread bracelet. I love it and I thank you so much! I have been wearing a red thread since we began our journey and it broke last week and so did Wendi's thread. She also sent me the book CHINA GHOSTS. I can't wait to start reading this today. Thank you so much for thinking of me. This came at a time when if I didn't blog about this, it would have been a much more depressing post so I'll save that one :) Wendi, I'm glad we found each other on this crazy ride and I hope we are in China together when we meet our girls!

Since I took the camera out to take a picture of the beautiful bracelet, I figured I would snap some more pictures that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Here is Picachoo enjoying his outside cage

(if you click the picture to enlarge, you can really see how big he is)

Here is Ms. Boo NOT fitting in to the Kimono we bought for Chloe - she really does need a diet.

Here is Chloe wearing the same Kimono in June 2006....

Ms. Addie, our newest addition, enjoying her lunch in her new mansion. I swear we will need a bigger house just to fit all of these pets!

Our beautiful Meyer lemons that are starting to turn yellow.

Oranges will be next!

It's that time again...

Today we said goodbye to Grandma. We had a great visit and did lots of fun stuff -

• We celebrated Joseph turning 8 with a great party with a bounce house, magician and horse rides!!!
• We shopped (a lot)
• We found happiness in the Coach store (loving my purchases)
• We cooked (well she cooked) we ate and have lots and lots of leftovers
• We convinced her that boating is actually very fun
• She L.O.V.E.D. it - even caught her reading my boat brochures about bigger boats!
• We added a new member to our family - Addie who is a red footed tortoise and I think Grandma actually likes her best out of all the animals living here.
• She has changed my poor Ms. Boo's name to Arbuckle - go figure.
• She bought 2 new webkins for J because he just didn't have enough of those!
• Most importantly, we spent lots of quality time together

Miss you already..... Enjoy the pictures. GO HERE FOR FULL SCREEN

Guess who's putting on a life jacket?

Okay, if your not in my immediate famiy, this is a trick question. Answer is: MY MOM!!! Yes, my brothers and sister - your mother is getting on our boat on Friday and we are heading on out of here to show her what it is we do with our spare time. The picture of this life jacket is not one of ours - We have much more fashionable ones. No, not Coach life jackets mother - but better than this. Anyway, the idea that she'll actually wear one the entire time has us all laughing but whatever gets her through the day (or trip I should say).... Wish us luck.

For those who don't know us (or my mother) personally, she is just a tad bit afraid of boats and water. Let's just say when I was about 10 we had a boat (my Dad loved it) and we were on it on the 4th of July in NYC near the Statue of Liberty watching fireworks. The boat had a little engine trouble (what boat doesn't now and again?) and next thing I know, I'm barefoot in my bathing suit in Manhattan getting in a taxi. Hmmm. It's amazing I actually LOVE boating now. Let's hope my Mother's rain/storm/bad weather dance didn't work and we can get on the water in the a.m. I know you all can't wait for pics from this trip. I know I can't! Have a great weekend everyone....

Referrals

Congratulations to all the families who have received their referral.


5 days of referrals is what we have this month. This is not great but It's better than 2 days. That seems to be the feeling of many waiting families right now. What could be worse, no days referred? What did I just say? Knocking wood, that would never, ever happen. I find myself thinking if we get our referral by 24 months that's just another 12 and that would be great. If 24 months = good news, this has become a very scary journey.

For the first time this month, I questioned continuing. I feel horrible even writing it. I know one day MRK will read this and I don't want her to think that I wanted to stop waiting but this month has truly tested me. After a run recently, I came home completely soaked with sweat and tears running down my face and I ran up to our bedroom, woke up Joe and said the words "should we just stop now?" He had no idea what I was talking about (which happens often) but after sort of waking up, he realized what I was talking about through my crazy talk (which he is now starting to get after all these years :) He stopped me and said "not a chance". Well, I knew that, I was just double checking. Here is to November 2005 being done!!

Happy Birthday

Happy 8th Birthday Joseph! We love you to the moon and back and as big as the biggest lighthouse! May you always have the passion you have today to learn and to love. Follow your dreams and remember to always think outside the box and be your own person. Most important, remember you are loved.
Always, Mom and Dad

~~Below is a slide show I put together of pictures from when you were born - I could have easily added hundreds more but knew I had to stop at some point. It's not the best quality, but I'm working on getting better at this slideshow stuff - to see it full screen, GO HERE